• TWO MORE DAYS OF CLASSES LEFT. What a bizarre feeling. I'm done with all my final papers and still have two presentations to give but I'm prepared for them.
• Hella good time last night with all my housemates. I'm kind of sad to be moving out next term...it's dirty and loud and cliquey as all hell, but I'm still part of it and when it's fun, it's REALLY fun. We all chipped in to get a lot of really good weed and got stoned out of our minds, then cooked & ate lots of breakfast food (this being at about 11:00 pm). Chocolate chip pancakes, scrambled eggs, tater tots, and a big pitcher of screwdrivers. AND--this is the best part omg I am still having to deal with how awesome it was--we set up a projector in the common room to play onto the ceiling, and we watched Planet Earth. ON THE CEILING. Why have I not done that before.
• Still need upwards of $600 for this summer. Don't know where it's coming from. Trying not to freak out. I'm grasping at straws here, and at this point I'll do just about anything that pays. Am considering working for that Vector knife sales company, which seems kind of lame and not the most fun, but they're saying it's $17 an hour base pay, so I could theoretically do that part-time for like a month and then quit. Rrrgh.
• Eurotrip itinerary as follows: Amsterdam --> Brussels --> Paris. akjsadf;adfs;kl;df :D :D :D
• Does anyone else watch Mad Men? I just got into it and I'm kind of dying I want all the clothes so badly.
• I just bought a SPECTACULARLY BEAUTIFUL MUG from my friend who does ceramics.
• I turn nineteen tomorrow. This is the one truly unimportant birthday in my age range. 18 you're legally an adult, 20 you're no longer a teenager, 21 you can buy alcohol...but 19? Less exciting. All I asked my parents for was money (which is what I NEED, I am considering selling a kidney) but I can basically guarantee they won't give it to me, because they think it's a "boring present."

AAH I LOVE FAKE SUMMER.

for all i know it could go back to being mid-forties again next week, but this weekend was glorious.

last night i bought a fifties party dress on ebay, made quesadillas, watched people go down a giant slip-n-slide, listened to my friend's band play, went to an amazing concert, drank good beer, smoked a lot from my new hookah, sat around a campfire in the woods telling ghost stories, and got to sleep late.

today i ate a wonderful fried egg sandwich for breakfast, sat out in the sun all day and read for my shakespeare class, did two loads of laundry (finally!), went to the ceramics studio and played with clay, and made a delicious chocolate-ice-cream-whipped-cream-oreo-strawberry-waffle sundae.

now i'm sitting in the big cushioned window seat of my common room next to the open window, there's a breeze coming in, i'm wearing one of my nice new perfumes that smells like spring and flowers, i have a cold vodka lemonade sitting next to me and i'm finishing my shakespeare reading before hanging out with my house friends.

i am so relaxed right now. :) :) :)

Mood swings lately. I have been realizing that I am not any less afraid than I used to be. Just afraid of different things.

One of the good things about this that I just began to acknowledge is that I am not afraid of people anymore. I may still be an introvert but I am no longer paralyzingly shy. And that is wonderful. I attribute so much of this to the people around me who love me, maybe I am not giving myself enough credit but the fact remains that I would not be the same person without these people and for that I am grateful every day.

Also, I love Beth Henley and good tea and cheap beer and my new rain boots and my incredibly-significant other and Fauré's Requiem and my satisfyingly expansive iTunes library.

i got a tattoo on monday. i'd been meaning to do it since last summer but had never gotten around to it until now. i spent the entire morning psyching myself out by imagining getting hepatitis (despite statistics showing trends to the contrary), but the artist took a brand-new needle out of its package in front of me so i suppose i shouldn't have worried.

the pain was about what i had expected. afterward i sat up and pulled my shirt back up and it was very anticlimactic in a way. somehow in my head i had made a separation between People Who Have Tattoos and People Who Don't, and in a way i had expected more fanfare in transitioning from one category to the other. a moment kind of like getting dressed right after losing your virginity, where you go "huh. okay," and realize that, as a person, you don't actually feel any different.

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in other news, it is SO WARM in dc, which is where i am right now, and it feels like spring and it makes me all happy and squishy inside. i hate winter and i like it when you can smell warmth in the air and not have to wear a coat outside. (i am going back to vermont in a week so that should be an unpleasant transition. nevertheless, i am enjoying this.)

also, this poem makes me happy:

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 dear id,

please do not drink so much. it is getting expensive, you have alcoholism on both sides of your family, and please do not forget yesterday's epic fifteen-hour headache-dizziness-dehydration-nausea-and-vomiting hangover, which you would not wish on your worst enemy. i know you have found many ways to justify "just one more beer/shot/glass of wine," but really? stop it. you are generally a smart person, but this is not smart behavior. get yo shit together.

love,
superego

2008 is over and done with!

let's review. in 2008:
...the economy went down the tubes (read: monies, i don't haz them)
...an inordinate number of people passed away, both famous and related to people i know
...my computer and camera were stolen
...i developed major depression & an anxiety disorder
...i gained 15 lbs
...i totaled my parents' car
...the world was introduced to sarah palin
...prop 8 passed

fuck you 2008! i will not miss you!

tomorrow i am moving into my first forealz apartment.* i...think this is a happy thing? maybe? i'm kind of terrified and feel like i didn't have enough time at home to decompress, but at the same time it seems like this is a Thing I Should Be Doing.

if you're in dc anytime during the next month or so, give me a call. ♥


*although it is a sublet, for only 6 weeks, it still counts

my brother casey, who is almost 10, wrote & illustrated a story at school called "a visit to bennington" about coming up and seeing me at college and how much fun he had and how much he missed me and he wouldn't let anyone help him with it or see it before he was finished and i just read it and it is ADORABLE. i love that kid.

• lots of wine
• ♥
• christmas tomorrow

...(hopefully) getting things straightened out re: where i will be living next month! signed lease & everything!

veggie heaven for the first time in about 7 months!

OKAY SO.

i am procrastinating. again. this is unsurprising. 8 page paper on dr. faustus due in two days! why have i not started!

possibly because i am too busy thinking about how awesome next term will be. i will be acquiring, for one thing, a BIGGER ROOM THANK YOU JESUS. also, my schedule could kick your schedule's ass (theories of psychotherapy, two intermediate-level acting classes, shakespeare's history plays, & vocal chamber ensemble PLUS i am auditioning for things, i will keep my fingers crossed). oh gosh i am so excited i can't even stand it.

vermont is lovely, if very cold and currently snow-less. everyone is invited to come up and visit and be merry (this especially applies if your name rhymes with schmictoria schmarris, yes i am looking at YOU). the only thing bothering me is that i am pretty broke, having spent all my money on herbal tea and beer and handmade jewelry and the obama campaign. (and my current favorite tv show just got canceled. RIP pushing daisies.)

and how is everyone?

here is my story of the day:

i logged into my gmail this morning and was greeted with the message: "Congratulations! You won this item on eBay: Vtg 90s Revival GRUNGE Plaid TARTAN Mini Dress XS S 300260070951"

and stared at it for a few seconds

and went "...?"

apparently i bid on things when i am drunk. this dress happened to only be $10, so that's not the issue. i am more dismayed by the idea that i can spend money and not even realize/remember it. THIS IS A PROBLEM :/

...at least the dress is cute.

there is a lot more weather here than in new jersey. hot and cold, rainy & sunny by turns, and we have the most beautiful sunsets in the world.

i bike everywhere. jon lives two minutes away from me. i'm finally taking acting classes again. things are pretty okay.

also: eve ensler's take on the mccain/palin ticket. worth reading.

today is wednesday. i move into my room a week from tomorrow. i am SO EXCITED i asked student life if i could come early but they said no. i have new bedding and red throw pillows and a new yoga mat and organic dryer sheets and a red moleskine and a silicone ice cube tray from ikea that makes ice cubes shaped like triangles. i am planning to put man ray prints up on my walls along with a poster from the yves st. laurent retrospective exhibit i saw at the musee des beaux-arts in montreal.

we had a big newly-graduated-theatre-alumni party at sara rosen's house. dr strum showed up unannounced and we all played taboo and watched the olympics together and got really emotional and we would have cried if we weren't too busy laughing hysterically and falling all over hugging each other.

please god let this year be better than the last one. (i have high hopes for this.)

been reading a lot of david sedaris. listening to a lot of early michael jackson. watching judge judy like it's my job. eating a lot of ice cream. teaching shakespeare to a lot of hyperactive chilluns.

surprisingly, it's been quite good.

CAPE COD IS DREADFULLY BORING

i want to go home :(

throughout the entire graduation ceremony last night i felt absolutely nothing. spent most of it mocking the speakers and wishing i had brought more comfortable shoes. even the part where everyone yells and throws their caps up in the air--no impact.

i did choke up a little bit saying goodbye to dr. strum afterwards, but other than that i feel weirdly apathetic about the whole thing.

instead of going somewhere for spring break my family decided to do 'family things' in/around the nyc area. this might have been much more exciting had we had better planning skills.

as it is, we saw blue man group on sunday and it was ballin & amazing as usual. my brother casey is nine and when the toilet paper came down from the ceiling he was beaming. like i don't think i've ever seen him that thrilled.

then today we went to south street seaport & saw the bodies exhibit. it was fucking crazy. my little sister said 'ew' 88 times (we counted). there was this one room on the circulatory system, and there were all these systems of veins & arteries, dyed bright red and separated from all surrounding tissue, just floating in lighted cases of water. can't even describe it. incredibly surreal. in another context it would've been some kind of weird modern art thing. like damien hirst's shark. as it was it was still fucking beautiful.

i have 23 HOURS of community service to do by the end of may or i can't graduate. that would be such a ridiculous reason. so essentially i will be busting my ass every day after school for a month. asjlafsdl;aflsdfls;




...such is life.

Dear Robert S. Clagett,

I am glad you think my "qualifications for success in college" are so strong. I am glad you think I "clearly have the ability to thrive at Middlebury." Funny, that--I thought the same thing myself, which is why I applied in the first place. Early decision, in fact.

When you sent me the deferral letter, you politely assured me of my value as a candidate and told me you hoped I would continue to express interest in Middlebury. I was only too happy to do so. I wrote you a nice note and made sure you received enough extra recommendations to bury you under an avalanche of the qualifications you praised so highly.

And yet, Mr. Clagett--Robert, if I may--it seems I am destined to be perpetually in liberal arts limbo, too qualified to discard entirely but not quite qualified enough to offer an acceptance. I have been applying to Middlebury for going on six months now, and although you continually assure me of your hopes that I retain my interest in your school, I have yet to see any evidence of a reciprocal interest in me.

Thank you, Robert, for letting me know "how much [you] appreciate [my] interest in Middlebury and how impressed [you] are with [my] application." It is with great pleasure that I am able to tell you to remove me from your waiting list, and to kindly go fuck yourself.

Respectfully yours,

Megan Osborn
Bennington College, Class of 2012